Friday, January 2, 2009

Do not leave me home alone....

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Quite some time ago, my roommate decided it would be a good idea to play a prank on me. He wrapped my entire car in plastic wrap. You know, the stuff that you use to keep food fresh, but it pretty much sticks to, well, itself and not much else. 

It was a good prank, I saw it and laughed quite a bit. I was impressed, as the entire thing was covered, front to back, top to bottom, in plastic wrap. It was sealed water-tight. I figured he had the help of one of our friends and that it took no more than 15 minutes and one roll of your common, store bought variety saran wrap to accomplish such a feat. 

I have this thing, however, about disproportionate retaliation. I can not just let him get away with such a prank, thinking that there will be no consequences. This incident occurred about 5 or 6 months ago, just long enough to let him completely forget that I owe him. It just so happens that he went out of town for about a week for new years, and I had taken a fair bit of time off of work. With the house empty, and me having far too much time on my hands, the following ensued... 

First, I suppose I should show you what his room looked like before boredom and an innate desire to be a dick took hold of me.  Apologies in advance for the crappiness of some of the photos.
The bathroom, obviously. Nice, clean, elegant. Not bad for a guy in his 20's.

His desk and bed. I decided to get the industrial sized packages of plastic wrap because there's more in them and I'm cheap. 

If my math doesn't totally suck, that's about 7ooo square feet of plastic wrap. 

A detailed shot of the shelf above his desk

More of the bathroom. He has the master, by the way. Again, I'd rather pay less because I'm a cheap bastard. 

A night stand and shell of a motorcycle helmet that will, apparently, one day, be painted. 

As you can see here, the keyboard has already been wrapped. There was a jar full of these pens and pencils on the shelf above his desk. Naturally, I figured each one had to be individually wrapped. 

His television and lovely shelf below it with miscellaneous items resting on it. 

All in all, it's a nice room. Or at least, it was. Then I got bored and lonely, and this happened.... 

I have too much time on my hands...

This is his door, and also some free advertising for

Notice the saran wrap on the door handle, the only indication that something is amiss.

And here it is.. the hell that awaits. My goal was to leave everything exactly how it was, just, well, waterproofed.

For those of you who thought I was just going to wrap up his furniture, oh no. Everything inside every single drawer. I am a dick, and I'm going to hell.

The shelf above his desk, now with 100% more plastic wrap!

The bed was a serious pain in the ass. There was a bunch of crap underneath it, so of course I had to take it all out in order to get the roll underneath. And yes, I wrapped everything I pulled from under his bed, and put it right back where it went.

The nightstand/helmet combo. Note that every single one of his remote controls are individually wrapped.

Part of his bathroom. I didn't want to touch the closet because, well, it'd be even more of a pain in the ass, as there is so much crap in there...

The bathroom... every single thing is wrapped up tight. Individually.

Some detail.

I did not spare the shower from my wrath.

Even the crap on his wall got a makeover.

The first finished roll...

Remember those pens? Yeah, they were a pain in the ass, but worth it.

It's the little things that count. After each piece of this grooming kit was wrapped, the case its self was wrapped as well, and put back neatly in its place.

So that's about it. I'm an asshole, and I'm going to hell. My roommate gets home in a couple of hours and I have no idea if he's going to laugh like crazy or kick my ass. All in all, I went through about two thirds of that saran wrap, and it took around 16 hours or so to accomplish all of this. I'm posting this now because I may only have a couple of hours to live, but I'll do my best to keep this updated. Potentially from a hospital bed.

Feel free to email me with any questions at

The Aftermath

So unfortunately I was unable to procure a video camera prior to my roommate returning home, but here's the gist of what happened.. 

I decided to come downstairs and help him grab his luggage. He knew something was up, as I'd gave him a bit of warning, but nothing specific. When he walked in to his room, his jaw hit the floor. I could not contain my laughter. 

Then I mentioned that he may want to open his drawers. I think, at that point, my laughter could be heard within a 3 mile radius. All in all, he took it in stride, and had a laugh as well. It was, by his admission, a damn good prank. 

Although I'm obviously an ass, I'm not a total prick, and have been since helping him to clean up the damage. I will have a few more pics tomorrow. As for now, I'm very, very over anything that even resembles plastic wrap.